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07 May 2009 @ 06:16 pm
All the movie reviews I have ever posted under one glorious cut =)

07 May 2008 @ 03:50 pm
 "The end of the trilogy!" 

Crazed nerd Menlo Schwartz (Eddie Deezen) wants revenge. Revenge on the surfer dudes who decided to play a cruel practical joke back in high school, and spike his soda with god-knows-what. From that day onwards, Schwartz vowed to get his own back on surfer kids near and far, hatching a plan that only an evil nerd genius would come up with.

After transforming his girlfriend - the nerdiest girl in the school - into the gorgeous 'Sparkle' (by taking off her glasses), Schwartz is one step closer to surf-dude domination. Using her to lure pothead surfers to his underwater lair, he forces them to drink his chemical concoction, 'Buzzz Cola'. It's not long before several surfers are terrorizing locals, with Buzzz Cola turning them into garbage-chomping punk rock zombies, with a sweet tooth for motor oil and fish carcases.

Mayhem continues until fellow surfster Chuck (Eric Stolz, of all people) and his best mate Bob discover that something is wrong. Suspicions point towards the toxic sludgefest that is Buzzz Cola, and the two enlist the help of their determined but mad science teacher Beaker to crack the case. Luckily, Schwartz's reluctant sidekick Sparkle decides to help the guys out too, spilling the beans about his plans for world domination and the true horror behind Buzzz Cola.

The unlikely four rush off (in their home-made convertible!) to find Chuck and Bob's parents, where they find their dads selling crate upon crate of Buzzz. Try as they might to convince their parents that the drink is turning kids into zombie punks, the grown-ups won't have any of it.

Eventually, Schwartz's plain is foiled and he is washed up on the beach and thrown in the back of a cop car. After greedily refusing to stop selling Buzzz because of their enormous profits, Bob and Chuck's dads end up getting a taste of their own medicine, and everyone lives happily ever after.

VHS box;

"Surf 2 begins where other movies leave off.. as the Surf Wars continue when a screwy mad genius pollutes the ocean with Buzz Cola, a concoction that threatens to turn all surfers on the coast into Surf Punks, a mindless crew led by Schwartzer. In true blue American fashion, Chuck, Cindylou, Lindysue, Chief of Police (Lyle Waggoner), the high school science teacher and the entire Town Council go to war against Sparkle, Queen of the Punks (Linda Kerridge) and Schwartzer for control of Surf City.. or control of anything!

It's dynamite fun in the sun, featuring the soundtrack of The Beach Boys, Split Enz, Stray Cats and many more. This movie is so far out of sight, it gives insanity a bad name!"

The best part of the whole movie has to be the Buzzz Cola jingle at the beginning..

No matter what the menu, Buzzz makes every meal complete. We gaurantee that it can wash out anything you eat.

But after those first 30 or so seconds, get ready for a brain freeze, 'cause just about every scene is either unfunny, repulsive, idiotic or just plain bad.

But wait! It isn't an endless downward spiral with Surf II, oh no. Us viewers must thank it for a few reasons; we get to listen to some more than half-decent tunes over a one and a half hour period. A handful of new wave bands, with a sprinkling of the Beach Boys, of course to have a dig at the various beach party and surf movies that Surf II tries too hard to spoof.

Secondly, we can feast our eyes on what my good friend Tommy Salami rightfully describes as "the lowest form of life in 80's movies" - the zombified surf 'punks' (complete with safety-pinned wetsuits and too much black and white face make-up).

And lastly, we should thank it for the fact that, despite what the title implies, we were only subjected to one of these movies.


If you liked this movie, you'd be pretty much content with watching anything.

07 May 2008 @ 03:47 pm
 "Two lovers. One chance. No time." 

When detention camp teenager Joe Fisk (Craig Sheffer) see's the beautifully angelic Lisa (Virginia Madsen) in the woods during a camp exercise, he completely falls for her. He doesn't know her name or where she's from, but with the help of his best friend discovers that she attends a nearby Catholic school. Knowing this, Joe is told to forget about her. With disappointment in his eyes he heads off back to camp. Meanwhile, Lisa's thoughts are on Joe - wondering if she'll ever see him again.

Some time later, Lisa and her best friend go to the movies together, and while queueing outside notice the reformatory camp bus pulling up. As the boys step off the bus, Lisa can't believe her eyes: it's Joe. Throughout the movie the two can't take their eyes off eachother. It's only eyes for the time being as Joe is stuck with the reformatory lads and none are able to leave their seats!

Back at school, the class are discussing ideas for 'helping people' projects. One girl suggests sending clothes to Africa, however Lisa is unconvinced and dives in at the deep end with a wild and weird suggestion; invite the boys from the reformatory over for a dance. The teacher is none too keen, telling the class to vote on which project they would prefer. All but two hands shoot up for Lisa's idea.

The guys at the detention camp are told they are being invited to a dance at the Catholic school, and Joe can't believe his luck. A huge long list of rules are read out for the boys to follow, specifically not getting 'too close' to the girls and staying in the dance hall at all times.

When they arrive, things start off slow. After a while the dance picks up, although Lisa is nowhere to be seen. Joe avoids dancing with anyone, and sits on the sidelines wondering where she is. When she turns up, they both look for eachother, and after introducing themselves, decide to dance. Joe confesses; "I saw you in the forest", and hesitates before asking "did you see me?". Lisa laughs, replying "Of course I saw you. Thats why you're here!".

The dance lasts for quite a long while, and by the end of the evening the two have to be pried apart. Joe asks if he can call but Lisa tells him only parents are allowed phone the school. As he leaves, Lisa hands him 'a souvenir' - a photograph curled around the stems of a little bunch of flowers. As he leaves Lisa shouts "I'll tell Frank you said hi". He asks who Frank is, and she answers, saying "my father!". Later Joe uncurls the photograph to find her telephone number on the back.

When the chance arises for Joe to sneakily use the telephone in the camp's head office, he calls the school claiming to be Frank. He is put through to Lisa and from there tells her the lads will be working in the local cemetary and to meet him there. She does, and they continue to secretly see eachother whenever they can.

Both plan to run away together - although not everything goes completely to plan, and Joe and Lisa struggle to avoid separation thanks to the interferance of the law.

VHS box:

"Fire with Fire is the story of Joe Fisk, a street smart kid who has learned to fight for the things he wants.. and finds a whole new batch of troubles when he's sentenced to hard labour in a state youth reformatory. But he also finds Lisa, a beautiful, sheltered young girl studying at a nearby convent. It's love at first sight, and when their passions ignite, nothing can keep them apart.. not friends, not parents, not even the law. And anybody who attemps to come between them had better come prepared to fight Fire with Fire."

Although the ending of Fire with Fire seems a tad rushed and maybe not the most perfect of closure points, the rest of the movie - especially the twenty-odd minute dance scene - is absolutely brilliant. Coming from a person who generally can't stand love-conquers-all romance stories, I thought it was really lovely and sincere, and it genuinely did seem as though Joe and Lisa's characters cared for eachother.

The soundtrack is also brilliant and very enjoyable in itself, however as far as I am aware it is either unreleased or is just extremely extremely obscure. All the songs at the dance are perfect and it's a real shame they are virtually impossible to get hold of.

All round, I loved this movie, and really got into the story. You (well, I did!) feel sympathetic towards the whole situation surrounding the two lead characters, and, feel pissed off at the fact no one has bothered to release it on DVD.


Romeo & Juliet goes '80s; Reckless [1984], Valley Girl [1983]